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(via fuckyeahviralpics)

Sets car as profile picture, killed by Decepticons #badluckbrian


I’d go down on a woman if I didn’t have to get an ugly haircut afterwards. 

@Paxochka about 3 hours ago

Chicks are great friends, as soon as they get a man you won’t hear from them again until they get dumped.

@Aspersioncast about 7 hours ago

My phone vibrates every time you star one of my tweets… It’s in my panties so I’m ready for a good star f*cking.


FAVS 350+

My wife is so cute, always clearing her browser history and throwing the computer out a window when I walk in the room.

- @ConanOBrien 

ReTweets: 690+

Currently looking for an arch enemy. A nemesis. An ‘antag’ to my ‘protag,’ if you will. Apply within.